AB Fab for '08

The post that started it all. I'll be reposting all of the original posts. Plus a brand new one! Also, check out AB Fab's facebook group and join! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=3496785432

AB Fab decides to go to Washington...or at least satirize current political happenings...

“"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings”—Lewis Carroll. The time has come my fellow Americans for a change. The time has come for someone normal to walk into the Oval Office, to take the helm of America and re-direct our course. The time is now! And I’m the person to do it.
True, I have absolutely no political experience. And I haven’t studied Political Science. But I took American History one through three and Civics class in High School. And I’m a decent public speaker. And I promise to save the country by writing my own speeches. So I think that makes me semi-qualified.
My planned agenda in office will take on many important tasks. I’m going to solve world hunger, end the fighting and declare world peace. OK, I’m going to attempt to do that. But also make real, definite changes. First thing I’m going to do is make every weekend a three day weekend. The four day work week will cause production to go down but demand will still be at the two day weekend level. The drop in production will cause an increase of demand, comparatively speaking that is. And as most know, when demand increases, so do prices, thus stimulating the economy. Plus, three day weekends will improve the morale of the American population.
Another issue I plan to address is the problem with the decline of people enlisting in the armed forces. The way to fix this is obvious and easy. In order to get people to join the military, a new market must be targeted. The caffeine addicts of America are a large group that has, until now, been untapped. So, supply the military, particularly recruiters, with really good coffee and all the fixings and the caffeine addicts of the country will flock in droves to recruiting offices so they can join up and kept their caffeine. Also, we will start researching a caffeine IV that will only be available to current and former military personnel. This too will help get caffeine addicts to join the military.
Another issue I plan to address is the bot situation. All around the net bots are plaguing the users of the internet. And not just any kind of bots, but porno bots, the worst kind of bots. I believe we can blame Gore for this. After all, he did invent the internet. So next time you see a bot, think of Gore and remember to vote Ab Fab for 08.
One final change I would like to talk about today is a way I believe will make the American population healthier. When I am President, I am going to make bagels a required breakfast food. Everyone must eat at least 2 bagels a week, in acceptable flavors such as Onion, Garlic, Everything, Plain and Pumpernickle to name a few. Unacceptable flavors include the following, but are not limited to: cinnamon-raisin, chocolate chip and cinnamon sugar bagels. Appropriate toppings such as cream cheese, lox , jam/fruit preserves, vegetables and fruit are allowed. Honey, flavored cream cheeses and jelly are not allowed.
So when you head to the voting machines, remember me, Ab Fab. Ab Fab for 08!