When Family Circle magazine contacted me for my “cookie recipe,” I was shocked. I may be a lot of things, but a baker is not one of them. Then they had the gall to point out that I was really supposed to have a spouse to contribute a cookie recipe for me. And for the last four elections, the winner of the cookie contest, well, her hubby went on to win the election.
I say this to you, America, honestly, are you going to let a cookie baking contest determine who you think should be President? I don’t think you should. On a side note, I would like to point out that I do not need a spouse. Not only will I save the country money because of all the other wonderful money saving ideas I have, but no spouse means that I will require fewer security people following me and my non-existent spouse around. Besides, my mom always said that a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. We just don’t need one.
But just in case you are going to, I am very fortunate and glad to announce that Emeril Lagasse has decided not only to endorse me, but to create a cookie recipe so amazing that only it can live up to being AB Fab. I believe he said that his cookies have kinda a Creole bite. Maybe he uses alligator or crocodile eggs. Whichever of those two creatures come from the bayou…?
And in other important campaign news…Chuck Norris has decided to endorse AB Fab! Whether it was my superb political views, or my impressive record of being a life long Episcopalian (The Episcaposse has to stick together!) or the fact that I’m just awesome, it really doesn’t matter. McCain, Obama, I’m sorry but America loves Chuck Norris more than anyone. Except possibly me. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pjs. And Chuck Norris was recently seen exiting the AB Fab for 08 official merchandise store sporting a bag containing, yes, you guessed it, AB Fab pjs.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080615/ts_alt_afp/usvotewivesrecipe_080615080232
Monday, June 16, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
New Beginnings
The time has come for new beginnings! Yes, Obama and Billary are still fighting away. McCain is keeping busy. One might ask where I, AB Fab, have been during this bitter battle. I figured, why not save the best for last. So, here I am. Back in action, ready to go. Issues in hand, words in my mouth, shoes on my feet (very cute ones I might add!) What are the issues you might ask? AB Fab always has issues. Just ask my therapist.
A lot of people say that Barack Obama is one of the greatest motivators and speakers that they have seen since Ronald Reagan. That's only because they haven't heard me speak. That's right. I'm just throwing it out there but I talk about more than hope. I talk politics. Fashion. Books. Education.
For those who have followed me faithfully, I’ve talked about everything from economic policies (longer weekends, short work weeks), nutritional policies (bagels for everyone!) and my competitors (Romney.) Let’s talk about some other important stuff that I am required, as a politician (ew I hate that word, let’s go with fashionista with political aspirations, FwPA for short) to talk about.
Fashion. Something all Americans can think about. My biggest recommendation, fashion-wise, is a hat. Hats can be appropriate for any occasion ladies! I promise that while I am President, I will make it socially acceptable for women to wear fabulous hats whenever they choose.
Ever since I was a child, I have loved the smell of a library or a book store. Somewhere along the lines someone ruined it by telling me that smell is really just the glue. Apparently I became addicted to the glue used in books without ever knowing it. I promise that my addiction is now under control and that I will not run around the Library of Congress smelling books. For those who want advice on books from a presidential candidate, I recommend anything by Pat Conroy. A good American writer, who writes on a level that I only hope to achieve. His best book (in my humble opinion) is Beach Music. Check it out.
Fewer things in life are more important to me than education. Considering how I’m a current student stuck with thousands upon thousands of others pay horrific amounts to go to college, I honestly understand how it feels to be crushed by student loans. I know how it feels to get your financial aid letter and see that you are getting a laughable amount of aid. Well, now is the time for change. If Congress can make laws and incentives etc to stimulate the economy, Congress can help ensure that the future leaders of America are educated by making education affordable again. Oh and another atrocity…books. Students shouldn’t be forced to make the decision to go without books because they cannot afford the books. This is the age of technology. Why not come up with a more environmentally friendly option to books? How about e-books? Anyone who has other suggestions about how to tackle the book issue, please leave a comment. Unlike some politicians, I listen to my supporters. As Woodrow T. Wilson once said, “I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.” I’m a big fan of that quote, because it inspires me and reminds me that while one woman or man can accomplish great things but even greater when one works as a team with those who surround her.
A lot of people say that Barack Obama is one of the greatest motivators and speakers that they have seen since Ronald Reagan. That's only because they haven't heard me speak. That's right. I'm just throwing it out there but I talk about more than hope. I talk politics. Fashion. Books. Education.
For those who have followed me faithfully, I’ve talked about everything from economic policies (longer weekends, short work weeks), nutritional policies (bagels for everyone!) and my competitors (Romney.) Let’s talk about some other important stuff that I am required, as a politician (ew I hate that word, let’s go with fashionista with political aspirations, FwPA for short) to talk about.
Fashion. Something all Americans can think about. My biggest recommendation, fashion-wise, is a hat. Hats can be appropriate for any occasion ladies! I promise that while I am President, I will make it socially acceptable for women to wear fabulous hats whenever they choose.
Ever since I was a child, I have loved the smell of a library or a book store. Somewhere along the lines someone ruined it by telling me that smell is really just the glue. Apparently I became addicted to the glue used in books without ever knowing it. I promise that my addiction is now under control and that I will not run around the Library of Congress smelling books. For those who want advice on books from a presidential candidate, I recommend anything by Pat Conroy. A good American writer, who writes on a level that I only hope to achieve. His best book (in my humble opinion) is Beach Music. Check it out.
Fewer things in life are more important to me than education. Considering how I’m a current student stuck with thousands upon thousands of others pay horrific amounts to go to college, I honestly understand how it feels to be crushed by student loans. I know how it feels to get your financial aid letter and see that you are getting a laughable amount of aid. Well, now is the time for change. If Congress can make laws and incentives etc to stimulate the economy, Congress can help ensure that the future leaders of America are educated by making education affordable again. Oh and another atrocity…books. Students shouldn’t be forced to make the decision to go without books because they cannot afford the books. This is the age of technology. Why not come up with a more environmentally friendly option to books? How about e-books? Anyone who has other suggestions about how to tackle the book issue, please leave a comment. Unlike some politicians, I listen to my supporters. As Woodrow T. Wilson once said, “I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.” I’m a big fan of that quote, because it inspires me and reminds me that while one woman or man can accomplish great things but even greater when one works as a team with those who surround her.
A Serious Message from AB Fab
Today AB Fab and her committee mourn for the victims, family members, friends and everyone affected by the senseless acts of violence carried out in the early morning hours of Monday April 16, 2007 at Virginia Tech. Together, with hundreds of thousands of others, we ask ourselves, “Why?” Why do these things always happen in schools, places that should be sanctuaries from the violence and hate of the World. Schools are the one place a child, or anyone for that matter should feel safe. But instead, we practice lock down drills and have metal detectors and we’re taught to fear the odd ones out. Why can’t we make schools places of love, acceptance and peace? Why do over half of ALL children in the United States say they’ve been bullied or teased at school? Where is America going so wrong?
I was shocked, appalled and dismayed when I clicked on a link MSN news had set up for people to express their condolences. The first offering was no more than an attempt to lay blame on shoulders that are innocent but yet are the first we here in America like to blame. Ah, yes, violence. Well, must have been one of those fast growing in population South Korean Muslims. Yes. Must have been one of them. Because all Muslims hate Americans, right? NO. That’s NOT true. But that’s the sad thing about people, we believe that one bad egg makes the whole dozen nothing but trash. It’s not all Muslims, or all Koreans, or all of one people who are hateful and violent. We’re so quick to hate and discriminate and that’s what really causes violence in today’s world. Hate. Such a small, yet vicious world.
Reports coming out of Virginia Tech paint a grim picture of the instigator. He was a loner, whose violent writings worried teachers. He was such a loner that the school claims it is having difficulty getting information about him. This is a serious concern to me. It appears to me that maybe he was more than just angry at the world. Maybe he was sad and felt alone in the world. Maybe he thought no one cared and no one paid attention to him. Maybe he was apathetic and felt he had made too many mistakes in his life and that a few more wouldn’t make a difference. Maybe we can’t just blame Cho. Maybe we need to look and examine ourselves and ask ourselves how many times we have insulted someone and not talked to them in order to keep ourselves out of a socially compromising situation. Maybe we should all walk away from this tragedy with one lesson—that human beings as a whole need to learn to be more accepting to each other and not shun others because they’re different. Everyone’s different. Everyone’s unique in some way. Why can we learn to love and accept uniqueness instead of pushing people away because they have a stigma attached to them.
Today, tomorrow and always, I mourn for the innocence lost in this attack. The innocence of Virginia Tech’s students, faculty and parents. The innocence of students, faculty and parents everywhere. The innocence of everyone. Because from today on, like always happens after tragedy, we’re changed. In a look at numbers there are at least twenty-four thousand, nine hundred and seventy students who are, at least temporarily, afraid to be in their school. Scars like this do not easily fade.
In closing, I hope that we can all walk away from this devastating day without hating Cho but asking ourselves how we can prevent more Cho’s in the future, how we can prevent more senseless violence and death, how we can learn to love or atleast accept one another. As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Returning violence for violence only multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars...hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
I was shocked, appalled and dismayed when I clicked on a link MSN news had set up for people to express their condolences. The first offering was no more than an attempt to lay blame on shoulders that are innocent but yet are the first we here in America like to blame. Ah, yes, violence. Well, must have been one of those fast growing in population South Korean Muslims. Yes. Must have been one of them. Because all Muslims hate Americans, right? NO. That’s NOT true. But that’s the sad thing about people, we believe that one bad egg makes the whole dozen nothing but trash. It’s not all Muslims, or all Koreans, or all of one people who are hateful and violent. We’re so quick to hate and discriminate and that’s what really causes violence in today’s world. Hate. Such a small, yet vicious world.
Reports coming out of Virginia Tech paint a grim picture of the instigator. He was a loner, whose violent writings worried teachers. He was such a loner that the school claims it is having difficulty getting information about him. This is a serious concern to me. It appears to me that maybe he was more than just angry at the world. Maybe he was sad and felt alone in the world. Maybe he thought no one cared and no one paid attention to him. Maybe he was apathetic and felt he had made too many mistakes in his life and that a few more wouldn’t make a difference. Maybe we can’t just blame Cho. Maybe we need to look and examine ourselves and ask ourselves how many times we have insulted someone and not talked to them in order to keep ourselves out of a socially compromising situation. Maybe we should all walk away from this tragedy with one lesson—that human beings as a whole need to learn to be more accepting to each other and not shun others because they’re different. Everyone’s different. Everyone’s unique in some way. Why can we learn to love and accept uniqueness instead of pushing people away because they have a stigma attached to them.
Today, tomorrow and always, I mourn for the innocence lost in this attack. The innocence of Virginia Tech’s students, faculty and parents. The innocence of students, faculty and parents everywhere. The innocence of everyone. Because from today on, like always happens after tragedy, we’re changed. In a look at numbers there are at least twenty-four thousand, nine hundred and seventy students who are, at least temporarily, afraid to be in their school. Scars like this do not easily fade.
In closing, I hope that we can all walk away from this devastating day without hating Cho but asking ourselves how we can prevent more Cho’s in the future, how we can prevent more senseless violence and death, how we can learn to love or atleast accept one another. As Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "Returning violence for violence only multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars...hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
Romney--The Chosen One?
Remember...this was written when Romney was still in!
Romney—The Chosen One?
Photo by AP Photo
Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney could Very well be the first Mormon President. That’s all gOod and well. Good for him. But I’d haTe to see Mormons vote for him, just becausE he’s Mormon. (However, thAt does not mean that women shouldn’t vote for me just Because I’m a woman. From a political, moral and stAndpoint, it’s a lot more difficult to Be female than religious and it always has been. So vote to help women gain more freedoms and equalities! Besides, don’t you want to see a first man in a conservative dress, heels, hat and pearls?)Now, I don’t want to completely knock Mitt. He’s a nice guy. Decent manners, good oral hygiene, and great posture. HoweVer, his politics leave a few things to be desired. What bugs me mOst is how he shuns his hisTory. That’s right. HE SHUNS it. True, polygAmy isn’t exactly something to be proud of or follow in the footsteps of, But he’s Republican. So shouldn’t he represent the Republican way of tradition? To borrow a Few lines from Tevye in Fiddle on the Roof, “Without trAdition, we’re like a Fiddler, on the roof!” RepuBlicans belieVe in keeping things basic, like their fathers did and their father’s befOre them. Which could also be a bad Thing for poor RomnEy; his family’s trAditions seem to include polygamy, historically speaking of course. So mayBe Romney is well more like the anti-chosen one, unlike his picture may subliminally suggest to its’ viewers that he is in Fact, THE CHOSEN ONE, the one thAt they should CHOOSE to rule our fair and Beautiful nation. Do you really want a President who believes in subliminal messages?
AB Fab Speaks Again
Today I’d like to talk about a man who was almost President. Senator John Kerry, of Massachusetts, fought a good fight in the 2004 race. But lately, I’ve been thinking about something. It is most definitely his fault that many Americans are obese. Now, you’re probably sitting there thinking. “Um…what is she talking about?!” But it’s true. It’s his fault. At least indirectly. His wife, Teresa Heinz, is of course, related to that big condiments company Heinz, famous for ketchups and other sauces. Well, think about the last time you were eating a steak and reached for some steak sauce, wanting just a little. Well, that bottle didn’t have one of those nifty tops that keep you from getting more sauce out of the bottle. So instead of a half teaspoon of steak sauce on your plate, you’ve now got three tablespoons. And you were raised waste not, want to. So you eat it all. A few days later you’re trying to get into your favorite pants and guess what? That’s right. You can’t. You have gained weight yet again. Sure, it may seem a little far fetched. But have you ever read how many calories are in a serving of sauces like steak sauce, ketchup and especially salad dressing? Or better yet; what the ACTUAL serving size is. And you wonder why those extra pounds keep sneaking on when you’ve been so good. Wonder no more. Next time you look at your scale and curse yourself, think back to that nice, fresh green salad with all its healthy veggies, and think of John Kerry. And his wife. And blame them! Because after all, that’s all politics is…shifting the blame from one person to another.
So when you’re in that cab going to vote, sit in that cab thinking “I want to vote AB Fab. AB Fab, the best choice for 08.”
So when you’re in that cab going to vote, sit in that cab thinking “I want to vote AB Fab. AB Fab, the best choice for 08.”
AB Fab for '08
The post that started it all. I'll be reposting all of the original posts. Plus a brand new one! Also, check out AB Fab's facebook group and join! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=3496785432
AB Fab decides to go to Washington...or at least satirize current political happenings...
“"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings”—Lewis Carroll. The time has come my fellow Americans for a change. The time has come for someone normal to walk into the Oval Office, to take the helm of America and re-direct our course. The time is now! And I’m the person to do it.
True, I have absolutely no political experience. And I haven’t studied Political Science. But I took American History one through three and Civics class in High School. And I’m a decent public speaker. And I promise to save the country by writing my own speeches. So I think that makes me semi-qualified.
My planned agenda in office will take on many important tasks. I’m going to solve world hunger, end the fighting and declare world peace. OK, I’m going to attempt to do that. But also make real, definite changes. First thing I’m going to do is make every weekend a three day weekend. The four day work week will cause production to go down but demand will still be at the two day weekend level. The drop in production will cause an increase of demand, comparatively speaking that is. And as most know, when demand increases, so do prices, thus stimulating the economy. Plus, three day weekends will improve the morale of the American population.
Another issue I plan to address is the problem with the decline of people enlisting in the armed forces. The way to fix this is obvious and easy. In order to get people to join the military, a new market must be targeted. The caffeine addicts of America are a large group that has, until now, been untapped. So, supply the military, particularly recruiters, with really good coffee and all the fixings and the caffeine addicts of the country will flock in droves to recruiting offices so they can join up and kept their caffeine. Also, we will start researching a caffeine IV that will only be available to current and former military personnel. This too will help get caffeine addicts to join the military.
Another issue I plan to address is the bot situation. All around the net bots are plaguing the users of the internet. And not just any kind of bots, but porno bots, the worst kind of bots. I believe we can blame Gore for this. After all, he did invent the internet. So next time you see a bot, think of Gore and remember to vote Ab Fab for 08.
One final change I would like to talk about today is a way I believe will make the American population healthier. When I am President, I am going to make bagels a required breakfast food. Everyone must eat at least 2 bagels a week, in acceptable flavors such as Onion, Garlic, Everything, Plain and Pumpernickle to name a few. Unacceptable flavors include the following, but are not limited to: cinnamon-raisin, chocolate chip and cinnamon sugar bagels. Appropriate toppings such as cream cheese, lox , jam/fruit preserves, vegetables and fruit are allowed. Honey, flavored cream cheeses and jelly are not allowed.
So when you head to the voting machines, remember me, Ab Fab. Ab Fab for 08!
AB Fab decides to go to Washington...or at least satirize current political happenings...
“"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things: Of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings”—Lewis Carroll. The time has come my fellow Americans for a change. The time has come for someone normal to walk into the Oval Office, to take the helm of America and re-direct our course. The time is now! And I’m the person to do it.
True, I have absolutely no political experience. And I haven’t studied Political Science. But I took American History one through three and Civics class in High School. And I’m a decent public speaker. And I promise to save the country by writing my own speeches. So I think that makes me semi-qualified.
My planned agenda in office will take on many important tasks. I’m going to solve world hunger, end the fighting and declare world peace. OK, I’m going to attempt to do that. But also make real, definite changes. First thing I’m going to do is make every weekend a three day weekend. The four day work week will cause production to go down but demand will still be at the two day weekend level. The drop in production will cause an increase of demand, comparatively speaking that is. And as most know, when demand increases, so do prices, thus stimulating the economy. Plus, three day weekends will improve the morale of the American population.
Another issue I plan to address is the problem with the decline of people enlisting in the armed forces. The way to fix this is obvious and easy. In order to get people to join the military, a new market must be targeted. The caffeine addicts of America are a large group that has, until now, been untapped. So, supply the military, particularly recruiters, with really good coffee and all the fixings and the caffeine addicts of the country will flock in droves to recruiting offices so they can join up and kept their caffeine. Also, we will start researching a caffeine IV that will only be available to current and former military personnel. This too will help get caffeine addicts to join the military.
Another issue I plan to address is the bot situation. All around the net bots are plaguing the users of the internet. And not just any kind of bots, but porno bots, the worst kind of bots. I believe we can blame Gore for this. After all, he did invent the internet. So next time you see a bot, think of Gore and remember to vote Ab Fab for 08.
One final change I would like to talk about today is a way I believe will make the American population healthier. When I am President, I am going to make bagels a required breakfast food. Everyone must eat at least 2 bagels a week, in acceptable flavors such as Onion, Garlic, Everything, Plain and Pumpernickle to name a few. Unacceptable flavors include the following, but are not limited to: cinnamon-raisin, chocolate chip and cinnamon sugar bagels. Appropriate toppings such as cream cheese, lox , jam/fruit preserves, vegetables and fruit are allowed. Honey, flavored cream cheeses and jelly are not allowed.
So when you head to the voting machines, remember me, Ab Fab. Ab Fab for 08!
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